Monday, April 20, 2015

Waiting...

You know that question from job interviews..."What is your biggest weakness?"  Well, I now know my biggest weakness.

Patience.

Waiting.

Not being in control.

I have struggled throughout the entire process with the waiting.  We waited for a long time between our first and second home study.  We waited on our FBI background checks to come back.  We waited for our i800a approval.  We waited for our dossier to be authenticated.  We waited to be DTC.  We waited to be LID.  We waited to match with a child.

Waiting stinks.

It really stinks.

But now that we know who our son is, now that we have pictures, now that we know about him...the waiting is really hard!

We are now waiting on our LOA, which could be anywhere from a couple of weeks away to a couple of months away.  Once we have our LOA, the timeline to travel is a little more predictable and we can better estimate when we will travel.  We won't know exact travel dates until we have Travel Approval, but we will have a much better estimate once we have our LOA.  But, the wait for LOA could be short or long.

We have been waiting for LOA since we were Logged in (LID) on 3/10/2015.  However, the real wait starts once you are matched, which was 4/2/2015 for us.  If we had matched with a child before we logged in, we would probably be very close to LOA right now.  Many of the people with LIDs around us are getting their LOAs now.  But, it seems that people with PA (matched with their child) after LID have to wait a little longer for LOA.

We are also waiting on being fully funded for travel.  Travel in the summer to China is more expensive than other times of the year, so we are trying to be prepared for higher costs.  Ideally, we would already be fully funded, but we're not.  We are still saving money every month to put towards our travel expenses for the adoption.  And, we are waiting to hear from a few grants we have applied for.  And, we are hoping to have a successful t-shirt fundraiser.  But, until all of these things come together, we will not be fully funded.  We knew when we started this process that we would be saving money and raising money for adoption throughout the entire process, but the waiting for all of the pieces to fall together and not knowing how or when it will happen is difficult for me.

All of that to say...we are still waiting.  And, I really hate the waiting!  I hate not being in control.

I look at this sweet little boy's photo every day and I dream about holding him.  I think about getting to know him.  I think about Connor and Kyle getting to know him.  I wonder what he will think of his two wild older brothers.

When I was pregnant with Connor and Kyle, I hoped that I would be pregnant for the entire 9 months.  The best place in the world for them was inside of me, so I did not want them to come early.  Thankfully, they did not!  But, with this little boy, I know that the best place in the world is for him to be home with us.  And, he's not.  So, we wait.

The waiting is hard.  It really stinks to know that there is a little boy on the other side of the world that needs a mom and a dad and brothers and that we cannot go get him yet.

But, I am thankful for a God who tells me to come to Him with my struggles.  I am thankful for a God that gives me just enough peace to get me to the next day.  I am thankful for a God that reminds me that He has every detail of this adoption in his plans and that He will take care of it.  I am thankful for a God that loves adoption, that created adoption, and that will be with us each and every step of the way.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34